Yet again, I am back.

So here I am again, returning once again, to talk to myself so that I feel better. You'd think I'd have found a better way to deal with my shit by now huh? Well I haven't. So fuck yourself. Anyways, I'm just going to type whatever comes screaming out of the cold, barren aether and in to my mind.

As difficult as it is to admit to this, I may be in love. It was even difficult for me to type that. I know you couldn't tell, but I sat staring at the screen for a good minute before I finished that sentence. The biggest problem with this, other than the fact that I have never felt this way EVER, is that I know that this won't end well. Not only do I seem incapable of dating girls who are emotionally available and not "rat in a tin shit-house" crazy (I don't think this one is), but I'm only 23 goddamn years old. Twenty-three years is not a long enough amount of time to understand the world I live in or to have enough, varied experiences to make any sort of real judgements. What I mean is that I have always been taught that love is supposed to be forever and that you never tell a person that you love them romantically unless you can see yourself with that person for the rest of your life. While I may be able to see myself with this girl for the rest of my life there are two big problems.
1.) I don't know jack shit about what I am doing with myself.
2.) Even though I know more about this girl than she understands, I know there are things I still have yet to discover.
The first isn't so bad, because only a very lucky few ever really know what they are "meant" for. The second one is just a waiting game I guess. Thinking about it, I left out the third, and biggest, problem of them all; there is another guy. Isn't there always?  Too bad this isn't like the movies, where the love interest will realize that the antagonist is actually a raging douche on a stick and that she has loved the protagonist the entire time (this just made me think of the song "Love Like the Movies" by The Avett Brothers, just to let you know). The only similarities here are that the antagonist really is a douche. Too bad he does a real good job masquerading as a nice guy. I even fell for it when I first met him. I'm not quite sure how she doesn't see all the subtle put-downs and the way he "jokingly" kept mocking me to make him look better (sorry that this, all sorts of, makes it look like I am some type of victim; this is my story bitches, I get to play the good guy). A silver lining is that she recently realized that she doesn't want to be controlled by him anymore. Only problem is that they were friends for a long time and she doesn't want to lose that. Which sucks for her kind of because I know (even though I barely know him) that he will never be "just friends" with her. He'll always try to keep her on the bench until he wants her. That is the part that really bothers me. I'll be fine if I can't be with here, but I can not stand the idea of her being strung around like that.

Fuck me. So hard. With all the things.

This Still Exists!?

Holy shit I had all sorts of forgotten about this thing. No idea why it suddenly popped in to my head, but hey, here "we" are.

I'm not sure there is any reason I am posting again after almost 3 years; no one ever read this. Maybe I just feel like writing something that could possibly be read by anyone but will more than likely stay hidden forever. Who knows?

I won't try to regale you with how amazingly average and extraordinarily uneventful these past years have been, but I will probably end up hitting on quite a few different topics. Such as school. I read over the other posts just now and I realized that I has said I would never skip class again save for a Godzilla attack. Well ti turns out that I am a goddamn liar and have skipped WAY too many classes. This means that I am in my 5th year of college and I will more than likely have to go to school all summer to graduate without having to spend another year in the oubliette that is Rhode Island College. I am a terrible person with no goals or ambition. I don't even know if I want to be an English Major, I have just gotten to the point where I want out of school. I've been telling people for years that my plan is to leave the country to teach English over-seas, but I don't even know if I want to do that. I'm not sure there is anything I love to do, anything I feel a calling for. I feel like I may never find a passion. Is it possible that there just isn't anything out there for me? I want so very hard to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe there just is no "purpose" out there for me.

I know all of this is kind of a downer and pretty fucking angst-y, but what do you care? You don't exist anyways. I don't know, I just don't feel like I'm "good" at anything. Both of my brothers are amazing musicians. I've played drums for 16 years and I still don't think I'm very good. I get told often that I am, I just don't feel it. It is possible that I am just not giving myself enough credit. But even if I'm not, how will me saying that I am good make me feel like I am? I know my multitude of character flaws and defects, but just knowing them doesn't make it easier to fix them.

I am breaking springs!

Today is the beginning of Spring Break! This is a kickass thing! I don't really have any plans, but my cousin is coming down from college and it will be awesome to see her again.

I recently remembered how creepy my friend Mark's house is. It looks very old and always makes me think a ghost is going to come floating through the wall at any time. We had an impromptu "get-together" at his house last night and between the fear of ghost attacks and the fear of his old man coming home, it was a good time.

Tomorrow "The Watchmen" comes out in theaters and I have yet to read the book. It is killing me... KILLING ME! I want to see it the day it comes out but I can't go see it without reading the book first. I'm supposed to be borrowing it from my friend... but she seems to be a SLOW READER all of a sudden.

Done posting. The End.

-Peace

Rhyming is ALWAYS fun.

So yeah, my last post was dumb and was topped by a terrible little comic, but whatever. Lately boredom seems a whole lot more fun than actually doing anything. I'd rather sit home and worry about catching up in my classes than just go to them and get caught up. I mean, look at me right now. I'm typing about my self-caused problems instead of fixing them. I'm pretty sure this makes me an idiot. I hate school, I've always hated school. So what am I doing? I'm going to school to be a damn teacher. I think I might be retarded... just a little. Meh, fuck it. I'm this far in, no going back now I guess. Hopefully I'll just get something published and I'll be able to be a college professor, seeing as I can stand college and I'd get to teach pretty much whatever the fuck I want. And there it is again. I said "hopefully" instead of "I will". Fuck it, I will get published and from now on, no more skipping classes ever again! EVER! Well unless I have to because of some crazy shit... like Godzilla attacks or something. But unless Godzilla comes a'knockin' I will be in class. I guess ranting about my own problems to who ever the hell actually reads this CAN help.

-Peace

So I'm posting again.

Hey, long time no see! Here is a crappy little comic I made while bored! I'll talk more about nothing to the mass of no one that reads this! (Click it to see it bigger!)

Long time

So neither of us have posted in a LONG damn time. But hey, we're alive and here I am. I'm not sure what to talk about, but I guess a lot has happened since I last posted... months. The most important thing that has happened is... well I'm not too sure. I'm no longer "kind of" in a relationship, so that is new. The Abominables, my band, is doing damn good. Lots of things.

I saw that movie Twilight not too long ago. I had never heard of the books before and the trailers looked good, so I watched it. It was alright, a bit angsty, but good. Good enough so that I downloaded all the e-books and read them all. Four books in two days isn't bad. The books are, by far, better than the movie.

To tell you the truth, not a lot of things have happened over the course of this semester. The most interesting thing was my "kind of" breakup with my "kind of" girlfriend... and not even that was too interesting. Meh, I really have nothing else to say... at all.

And how

I am breaking the sound barrier. It is official. And I have returned to my grounds!

There is great news, my loyal peons. I am preforming a fucking wedding! Seriously, a wedding. I am an Ordained Minister, and I've been waiting oh so long for this opportunity. And my friend Dave has called me about a week ago, informing me he's got a wedding coming up, and he is requesting me as his Reverend. I spent most of today writing the ceremony, looking up wedding ceremonies, and I'm so excited!

Anywho, on a completely unrelated note. I've been talking to a few old friends lately, many of whom I very much so missed. Its always nice to fix the things that have previously been shattered. I wish that all things that broke were as easily fixed as a friendship. Oddly, even after long periods of time, emotional attachment you once had to an individual resurfaces almost as soon as they return to you. At least, that is what it seems for myself. I find myself regretting that I let these people drift from me in the first place. Unfortunately, I've lost more than I've gained back. Two of my closest friends at one point, for an extended period of time, were at extreme odds with me. I've removed the animosity between us, but the closeness with them is lost, the trust and the compassion. I hope time heals the wounds, but if time can't, I will take the steps forward myself.

So, I am a hopeless romantic, I see things everyday that make me cringe. Have you ever been the unfortunate victim of a "holla"? I was once. How in the world is that suppose to incite feelings of lust, or attraction? What happened to courting? What happened to chivalry? They are not dead, just forgotten. I held the door for a very attractive young lady earlier this week, and she was confused. Apparently, gentlemen, well, men, don't hold doors for her? I would gladly open every door for her, if that was her whim, but in all actuality, I will hold a door for anyone: man, woman, child, or other. Its common courtesy to not close a door on someone. Even more so, its just plain rude. Our culture no longer values courtesy, instead, greed seems to have taken its place. Not even monetary greed, but selfishness. I think as a whole, we'd be better off sitting down, thinking about how selfish we act, even in the small ways, and trying to change it. I'm not saying that one should go out of their way to help everyone, but helping SOME people not only makes them feel good, but gives you a sense of well-being. After I help someone, I always feel a little better.

In closing, I'm done. I would say something important, something touching here, but really...who cares? :) Peace

Tuesday Morning and the Sound Barrier has Been Broken

So as the title says, it is Tuesday morning and I'm already done with one of my classes, my 8-9:30 Bio class. Not the best class in the world, but I have fun with it.

I know I haven't posted in a while, so here are some updates for my nigh non-existent readers. On Saturday I got my new tattoo, or at least the outline, done. It is a squid fighting a whale, drawn by my talented friend Luke Goslin, and it is amazing (I'll post a picture of it at the bottom of this post). Saturday night I went camping with the TWGC and the less you know about that the better. But of course I'll tell you a bit, seeing as I feel like it. TWGC stands for Tourtellote Woods Gentlemens Club and it is full of my closest friends in the world. These people are family to me, in fact one of them actually is family, and I would take a bullet for any one of them. But that aside, the night was full of awesome and can be put on Legendary status. Sunday was a day filled with me feeling the after-effects of Saturday night and I managed to watch all three Spider Man movies and both Batman movies in one sitting. I guess that is what happens when you have absolutely nothing else to do... Monday was a boring day spent watching old episodes of Psych and then going to my Anthropology class at 4.

Anyways, I am currently waiting for a movie to load that I have to watch for my English class at 2 so I am going to regale you with some questions (and the answers I gave) about my Vegan diet. I thought these were hilarious and I feel like you, all those people who don't read this, will like them.

Q: Would you eat bugs?
A: Would you eat bugs?

Q:Would you eat an animal if you killed it?
A: Well if I killed an animal I wouldn't rightly be Vegan now would I?

Q: Would you eat and animal if I killed it?
A: As much as I like you, I have to say no.

Q: Would you eat and animal if an Indian (Native American for all you PC folks out there) killed it?
A:-tons of laughter- No! I;m not going to eat an animal no matter who kills it!

Q: Do you eat honey?
A: I do. I know a lot of Vegans don't and would label me as not a Vegan, but I seriously don't see the harm in eating honey. You don't slaughter bees for their honey and I have a sneaking suspicion that bees don't even know they are alive.

Q: Will you touch meat?
A: Sure, it's inevitable that I touch meat, that kind of stuff happens.

Q: What would you do if I slapped you with meat?
A: I damn well slap you right back and then wash the meat off of me. Seriously, what would you do if some one slapped you with meat?

Q: Would you eat meat if you were lost in the woods or caught on a deserted island?
A: Well, I don't plan on either of those, but yes. If I were lost in the woods or caught on a deserted island and I had exhausted all Vegan sources of food I would kill and eat an animal. My life is more important to me than any animal. And screw all those Super-Vegans out there who would damn me for that statement.



Anyways, that was fun wasn't it? Sure...

This is my tattoo by the way. It is just the outline and does not have the shading done yet.
P.S. It is all shiny because it is covered with Vitamin A&D Ointment to keep it from scabbing.

Title of a Post.... Dunno.

So today, Wednesday, is my day off during the school week. So, of course, I slept in until 12... well kind of. I had to wake up at 7:30 and get my sister on the bus, but I went straight back to bed afterwards. Anyways, I did nothing but sit around all day and eventually got myself to drive down to Woonsocket to pick up my final check from the YMCA. Hopefully this last bit o' money will cover my tattoo cost. I have enough money for 5 hours of this guys work, so I think I should be fine. A whole sleeve shouldn't take more than that should it?
Tomorrow is the school day from hell, 12 hours on campus with 8 1/2 hours of class. Not too much fun, but at least I won't be sitting around on campus all day with nothing to do.
I'll probably waste the rest of my night playing Spore (which is awesome by the way), and doing homework. I don't really have time to do anything else seeing as I have class tomorrow at 8am.

Oh, and everyone should go out (or onto your preferred torrent site), and get the new Intro5pect album Realpolitik. It is amazing, a mix of hardcore punk rock and electronica. Few bands now a days change things up the way these guys do. So go have a listen...now.

Attention

I haven't spoken in a while, so I guess I should grace you all insight my life currently.

I've returned to school, and I am enjoying it so far, I missed learning. I hated being in a state of intellectual pause, I need new ideas and ideals pushed to me, so I can decide for myself the truth of the statements. School, whether or not you like it, should be a large part of every growing individual's experiences. Without someone to guide you through new and sometimes old material, you are very likely to learn it wrong.

Not only that, but the social aspect of school, whether it be grammar, secondary, or whatever else you may attend, is critical for a persons growing up in this country. I have seen quite a few people I thought I'd never see again while going back to college, some better than others. A lot of weird things have happened to me in the past week of classes. I certainly hope I'll be able to evaluate them before more are thrust upon me.